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Yes, dry! I can do it, I'm British Empire's Jesus!
30 November 2011 @ 03:32 pm
i'm a scatter brain who writes too much. i over think everything. i tend to miss the point because the answer is too fucking obvious, and i'm really weird.

add me if you'd like.
 
 
Yes, dry! I can do it, I'm British Empire's Jesus!
15 October 2009 @ 10:38 pm
: D  
September blues are gone and now I am filled with Halloween glee and pre-Christmas anticipation.

October is hands down, my favorite month out of the year. I love how there is nothing but horror flicks on tv! And finally Texas cools down a little.

And I have to admit, having a Macbook pro and not constantly dealing with computer problems really does make my life easier. My life would routinely consist of my computer giving me the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH and randomly turning off. But I've had this laptop for a month now and it's just...perfect? I never knew technology could not give me a headache. I daresay I will never go back to PC.

 
 
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
 
 
Yes, dry! I can do it, I'm British Empire's Jesus!
04 July 2009 @ 04:39 am
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Wost. Movie. Ever. I'd be so mad if I had paid to see it. Seriously, I have never seen anything like this. I don't even want to give it one star out of five, I want to give it a big stinking ZERO! It's unwatchable, even if you leave your brain at home. The movie is just 2.5 hours of noise and flying gears and bangs and booms.

This movie sucked on so many levels that it's almost impossible to describe it. I think we need to come up with new adjectives for that, because a load of offensive, racist, pointless, craptastic, shiteous, overly patriotic, military-glorifying PUKE just doesn't cover it. Everything that was bad in the first movie - and in all of Bay's movies - is ten times worse in T2. The guy never learns. He must have an ego the size of Everest. Michael Bay thinks his movies are awesome and perfect just the way they are, no matter what the critics and audiences all over the world say.

I hate Michael Bay with all my heart. I hate him so much that I sometimes fantasize about sending him a fan mail bomb. He is the worst director in the history of Hollywood. He represents everything that's wrong with the movie industry. He is the reigning king of box office and mindless blockbusters. He is CGI, he is explosions, he is mindless action, he is the guy who thinks a script/good story, characters and dialogue are just inconvenient things in the way of all the action and blowing shit up. He is Michael fucking Bay.

The studio kept Bay on a tight leash during the first Transformers movie and that is the only reason it was watchable. And since the movie made lots of money, Bay was let loose. He was given free hands to basically do whatever the hell he wants and oh my god does it show in every freakin' frame of the movie! It's like we're watching an 8-year-old Bay have fun and play with his toys, smashing them together and making loud "booom!" noises with his mouth. Only his games cost 200 million dollars.

There were just two saving graces in T2: Shia LaBeouf and Bumblebee (does it make me weird if I say I have a little crush on a robot?). Okay, and Megan Fox's tits, but everything else is unbelievable shit. Let me just make a list:


-Let's start with the fact that the movie is so full of plot holes that it resembles swiss cheese. Bay tries to cover them up by blowing shit up and probably hopes the audience won't notice because they have become blind and deaf from the amount of explosions and sound effects.

-Remember how Shia busted his hand in a car accident? Well, you can tell the exact moment it happened, because Sam Witwicky suddenly has a cast on his arm, covered (very poorly) with a rag and we never get a scene that explains it.

-Turns out the Transformers can mimic humans, but no one actually gives a shit about it. So what if they can infiltrate our society, big deal.

-Why is Obama president in a Transformer universe?

-Why the hell do we get a shot of John Turturro's ass?! He just pulls his pants down and once gain, there is no explanation.

-The parents show up in Egypt out of thin air. Why?

-The action scenes aren't as unwatchable as they were in the first movie, but I still couldn't tell who's who. The only Transformers I could recognize were Bumblebee and Optimus Prime. The Decepticons were just a blur of grey parts.

-A small, WALL-E look-a-like dry humping Megan Fox's leg? Why would a robot hump a human's leg? A senile old robot farting parachutes? The jokes in this movie were so cheap...

-Robot heaven? Really, Michael Bay? Really?

-Dogs humping each other, stupid sex jokes, sleazy close-ups of Megan Fox's boobs, Megan Fox running in slowmo, giant robot testicles? REALLY?!

-All the Autobots are part of an alien race, so why the hell does Michael Bay turn them into offensive stereotypes? The Twins were probably the most obvious. And according to Bay, France = mimes and snails and misplaced Eiffel Towers.

-Michael Bay has obviously never smoked pot, because the Mom character went berserk after eating some special brownies. I've never seen anyone act like that when they're high. It's like she took some speed instead.

-What is it with Bay and the US military? Is he secretly working for them or what the hell is up with the gun-happy glorifying of the military in each and every one of his movies? All the pointless military shit sucked in the first Transformers and he hasn't gotten rid of it in the sequel. I can just picture him dry humping a gun in his bedroom...

-There's a poster for Bad Boys II in Shia's dorm. It's one of Bay's crappiest movies, but he obviously doesn't have a problem advertising his own shit.

-I don't think I've ever seen as many explosions in a movie before, and I don't think I ever will. It's weird how there isn't a quiet moment on the screen, but the movie is dull as hell. There's non-stop action and the final show down you have to see to believe it. And yet the two biggest scenes you except to be AWESOME are over just like that. I swear I wanted to yell "That was it?! Are you kidding me? LAME!"

So yeah. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is so unbelievably bad that "the day will come when "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" will be studied in film classes and shown at cult film festivals. It will be seen, in retrospect, as marking the end of an era." as Roger Ebert said in his blog.
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Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
 
 
Yes, dry! I can do it, I'm British Empire's Jesus!
18 June 2009 @ 02:30 am
ftw  

all kidding aside, where you ever like me with these questions:
'how is this going to be applied in real life? i'll never own a curved frictionless ramp, wtf there is no point in caring."



if only i was this much of a smart ass in high school.
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Current Mood: gigglygiggly
 
 
Yes, dry! I can do it, I'm British Empire's Jesus!
[01-06] Conor Oberst
[07-18] The Hush Sound (Greta centric)
[19-29] Panic at the Disco (Ryan & Brendon)
[30-31] Lyn-Z
[32-34] Tom Conrad
cutCollapse )
 
 
 
Yes, dry! I can do it, I'm British Empire's Jesus!
Write 15 Random, personal things about yourself, things that you don't usually talk about publicly, no cheating and putting lame answers.

I - I'm a tease.
II - I spend way too much time looking at myself in the mirror, not because i like looking at myself, but because i hate the way i look.
III - I dissect situations until there's pretty much no meaning left in them.
IV - I'm straight, but i fell in love with this one girl for two years. i never told her a thing.
V - My biggest fear is becoming my mother.
VI - I eventually end up hating most of the boys i date.
VII - I can't stand a lot of the people i'm friends with.
VIII - I lust after boys that're way out of my league, and i can't stop.
IX- I have this horrible habit of picking out people's flaws, but I can't look at my own
X - I do not approve of overly-pessimistic people.
XI - I think i might have committment issues.
XII - Music is sometimes literally the only thing that can calm me down.
XIII - My obsessions change too much.
XIV - I'm afraid to drive.
XV - Thinking of fifteen things about myself was way too hard.



SIX CIRCLES

CIRCLE ONE: THE OUTSIDE

1. What's your name: ashley
2. How tall are you: 5'5ish
3. What color are your eyes: dark brown
4. What color is your hair: right now, an in-between dye jobs blend of black and brown.
5. Are you Male or Female: female
6. What is your best feature (physically): i love my legs ;D
7. What's your shoe size: 7 1/2ish
8. Glasses, yes or no: yea
9. Did you ever have braces: yes
10. On a typical day you are wearing: jeans, flipflops and whatever shirt i've got in my closet
11. When you go to bed you're wearing: tanktop, thong. (idon'tlikesleepinginpants)
12. work out/exercise about how often: run&crunches four times a week monday through thursday

CIRCLE TWO: MUSIC
1. Name five of your favorite bands:
(well, isn't this question just evil, really, just five?)
Panic at the Disco, The Hush Sound, Bright Eyes, Empires, and The Blood Brothers
2. Name five of your favorite singers: conor oberst, patrick wolf, thom yorke, sean vleet, and johnny cash
3. Name three songs you are currently playing nonstop: "overture," "carry me home, "the happy ending"
4. Name one song (give lyrics) that best describes your life right now: "I'm serving time all for a crime I did commit. You want the truth? You know I'd do it all again."
5. Name one song (give lyrics) that best describes your life one year ago:"i'm sorry i'm not strong enough to let go of the things that i love way too much"
6. When you're driving, what are the preset stations on your radio: don't listen to the radio, rarely.
7. What's the last CD you bought: The Black Dahlia Murder
8. Was the last CD you burned an actual CD or a mix: actual cd
9. Name one song/band/singer you're embarrassed to like but do: Lady Gaga
10. If you could only attend one concert ever again, it would be: warp tour '05
11. Name one band/singer you absolutely can't stand: PARAMORE
12. Name a group you use to like but feel you've grown out of: My Chemical Romance

CIRCLE THREE: MOVIES/TELEVISION
1. Name your favorite actor: Edward Norton
2. Name your favorite actress: Joan Crawford
3. Name your favorite television show right now: Nip/Tuck (when i had cable)
4. Name five really cool movies you've recently seen: idk
5. Your favorite canceled television show: Invader Zim
7. Name one movie you wish you hadn't wasted time/money on recently: too many to name, actually
8. You would never watch a movie with: a loud chewer/ messy eater.
9. Favorite candy/food to watch movies with: m&ms
10. Three favorite tv channels: DON'T HAVE CABLE >:l
11. Favorite reality show: n/a
12. Favorite character on a reality show: don't have one

CIRCLE FOUR: WORD ASSOCIATION
(Write the first word/thing/person that comes into your head when you read this word:)
1. coffee: latte
2. dog: want
3. slut: hot
4. candy: fat
5. pole: north
6. ocean: drown
7. brave: heart
8. loving: all my
9. cookie: fatfatfat
10. death: cab
11. life: ruiner
12. child: molestor...wtaf?

CIRCLE FIVE: WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER:


1. Ten guilty men go free OR One innocent man goes to jail for life: one innocent man goes to jail.
2. Eaten by a lion OR Eaten by thousands of small insects: lion.
3. A life of contentment without love OR A life with love and heartache: love and heartache, please.
4. Skydiving from a plane OR Bungee jumping off a bridge: skydiving
6. No television OR No music: seriously? no tv.
7. No more pizza, ever OR No more chocolate, ever: no more pizza.
8. A trip to Europe OR a trip to Hawaii: europe
9. An hour with your future soul mate OR An hour with a lost loved one: a lost loved one.
10. No longer being able to cry OR No longer being able to feel the need to cry: not being able to feel the need to cry.
11. Sex without love OR love without sex:...sexwithoutlove.
12. Loving someone who doesn't love you OR being loved by someone you don't love: i definitely like being on the giving end more than the receiving. it's definitely less awkward.

CIRCLE SIX: THE LOVE LIFE

1. Are you currently in a relationship: No
2. Are you currently looking/interested in someone: yeah
3. Are you a virgin: no
4. If yes, how long do you plan to be one: reinforce my whoreism why don't you
5. How many times have you been "in love": once, i think, i did alot of things i always said i wouldn't. so either i was a huge idiot or I was in love. maybe both times infinity.
6. Looking back, how do you feel about that person(s) now: i still love that boy.
7. Name three things (physically) you look for in someone: kind eyes, pretty hands, great hair
8. Name three things (mentally/emotionally) you look for in someone: durability, stability, humor
9. Biggest turn offs include: aloofness, lack of intelligence
10. Your ideal date would be: at the beach, in winter.
11. You want to get married, where, when, how: as late as possible. if ever.
12. Does anyone have feelings for you right now that you don't return: as far as i know, two guys, one girl.
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Current Mood: contentcontent
 
 
Yes, dry! I can do it, I'm British Empire's Jesus!
05 February 2009 @ 10:30 pm
will you be the spencer to my brenny? :3

the bob to my mikey? :3

the patrick to my pete (i hate p33n but i will p33n for you, only you~)

the sass to my katie?

cuz i. i seriously. kinda. seriously. whoa. love you.

i promise to always picspam you when you're sad, picspam you when you're happy, and give you blank comments allll the time. promise to always be there, even just to listen and i won't say anything back. i don't care if you dump all your problems on me, i could never grow tired of you. it's impossible, you make me smile and laugh too much bb. illllllu. and maybe some ~p0rn if you push my buttons right. i don't care what. it could be like, bob bryar/ringo starr if you wanted, hlysht, i'd write that shit bb! omg, i want to write you the porn-that-never-ends, ngl :3

this would be my song to you (the most beautiful song evar so that's why i picked it):


Everyone's dressed in the scenery.
I can't stop looking. We blend in.
Everyone's right where they've got to be.
Under the bright lights, I want you.

Oh, don't you mind the war tonight.
We'll watch the sky exploding high.

Questions are shot to the heart of hell.
Elephants falling and burning.
Hold me and watch the apocalypse.
Baby, we did this... don't miss it.

Where have you been?



please say yes :333

:*

btw this picture made me unf in my pantsCollapse )
 
 
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
Current Music: The Empires
 
 
Yes, dry! I can do it, I'm British Empire's Jesus!
25 January 2009 @ 06:12 pm
I got tagged by my wife:
List 5 things you're obsessed with

1. Brendon Urie (self-explanatory)
2. Smoothies
3. Internet
4. Writing
5. The Sixties

What Made Me Happy Today:
I’m a young one stuck in the box
of an old ones head
when all the other ones were just stirring awake
I’m trying to trick myself to fall asleep again


so i finally got around to listening to folie a deux today from beginning to end. (i am slow)
listening to it for the second time now, and i like it a lot.
and because i'm weird and fan-y, i'm gonna go on a play-by-play track critique because i like doing that and i'm a HUGEFUCKINGDORK.

1. disloyal order of water buffaloes
a really good opener. i kind of want to laugh when patrick sings 'buzz, buzz, buzz', but then he sings 'there's a hole where something was,' and it's like 'awwwwwww.' i like the words a lot, and it's a much better opener than thriller. this feels like it's going to make up for infinity. awesome. i love the line 'detox just to retox,' and how it ends with a sing-along. c'mon, everyone knows i'm a sucker for sing-alongs.

2. i don't care
this song is so infectious. seriously. i love it. i don't care. this song would be amazing live. everyone freaking out. aaaaah.

3. she's my winona
DUDE WINONA RYDER HOW COULD I NOT LOVE THIS SONG.
this sounds like a coke-party-soundtrack song, though. not that i mind, but. it's quite obvious. it's the type of thing you'd have playing driving through la with the windows down or something. i can see it playing in a huge mansion in the hills with twelve foot windows, plasma tvs, lighted pools, antm/50cent party-esque. if you get that reference, i don't want to be friends with you anymore.

4. america's suitehearts
i really, really, really did not want to like this song when i saw the clip for the video on fuse, and when they played it live on the live in chicago thing, i was like 'fuckfuckfuck this record is gonna suck,' but no. they just suck at playing it live. it's actually really awesome, atmospheric, weird. i can see why they chose a carousel, weird type of video, because it totally matches the sound, but did they have to wear those ridiculous outfits?

5. headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet
this song sounds so mechanical. the bass pedal or guitar pedal that whoever uses is really cool. it's just buzzzzzzzzzing. sweet. i love the line 'i don't just want to be a footnote in someone else's happiness,' and i find it slightly creepy how it's about cheating. um. okay, pete. this song makes patrick seem like a badass homewrecker. despite the fact that pete wrote the words. he sings it so perfectly. just. end of story.

6. the (shipped) gold standard
oh, pete. i didn't think this song was gonna be good, because 'the (after) life of the party' is one of my most hated songs on infinity, but. they pull out the same drum beat they used on suitehearts, and, though it sounds slightly repetitive, it's good. plus, 'but i'm no good at math, and besides the dollar is down' made me smile.

7. (coffee's for closers)
i almost feel like this song has traces of what they wanted infinity to have the feel of. layered guitar, cymbal, vocals on every level, but the words are good, and that saves it. at parts it seems like it's gonna go minor, dark, but it doesn't, it just goes back to macy's day parade float song performed with smiles. i'd be surprised if this became a single or anything. but it's decently nice, and the violin ending makes me happy

8. what a catch, donnie [ft. elvis costello, brendon urie, travis mccoy, alex deleon & william beckett][srsly]
favorite song. hands down. the drum machine throws you off at first. but oh my god. it's a perfect balance of pete's self-deprecating words and patrick's mastery at creating songs that build and build, break down, and build back. this record's hum hallelujah, but way better. plus, big lebowski reference? yes. just yes. AND YOU KNOW I'M A SUCKER FOR SING ALONGS. when elvis costello comes in, it's not even weird, and i love how what he sings connects back to cooperstown. i love when they do that. meaning: i'm in love with when they connect 'where is your boy', 'sugar', 'dance, dance', 'this ain't a scene', 'thnks fr th mmrs', and 'growing up(?)' sung by alex& william (i do not hear travis or brendon. at all. guess it's like the sophmore slump thing with brendon. everyone was like wtf?)

9. 27
patrick has this way of singing swear words where you don't even realize he's swearing, so you'll just sing along, 'we're all just fuuuuuuucked~~' and then you realize. he did the same thing on arms race. i sang goddamn for two straight months before sarah called me on it, and i was like 'oh. yeah. i guess that's a swear word. forgot.' joe has a sick guitar solo on this, as well. bet he was happy about that.

10. tiffany blews [ft. lil' wayne]
okay. so. um. you could tell this was the song lil wayne would guest on straight from the start. c'mon. this song is half 'okay, we're gonna be like lil wayne for a second,' half 'okay, new record, yeahhhh' i don't know how to explain it. i like the unexpected backing vocals from alex. but there are so many layered vocals you can't pick it out easily. i notice they've been doing that a lot so far. lil wayne doesn't even sound like his normal lil wayne self. he's singing 'dear gravity, you held me down'. it's odd. but i like it. of course i do.

11. w.a.m.s. [ft. pharrell]
this sounds like they're trying to be robots or something. if this becomes a single, i guarantee they'll be dancing all jerky and robot-esque or something weird like that. one-thousand percent. the chorus goes close back to their 27-ish vibe where you don't know what the fuck's going on, but it's all got this weird tone to it. it feels like dreamy 50's marketing + honolulu hawaiian vacation + infinity. what. i hate when songs fade away, too. by the way. but i love patrick's solo thing, despite the fact that he sounds like he's trying to seem blues-y and inaudible. but i love that you can hear the fuzz of the shoddy recording between claps, snaps, guttural sounds, and stamps.
OH BUT BY THE WAY PHARRELL WAS TOTALLY NOT ON THIS. WHAT THE FUCK.

12. 20 dollar nosebleed [ft. brendon urie]
amazing. amazing. amazing. it's got an initial showtunes/razia's shadow/forgive durden type feel to it, in the intro, which is sweet. the beat is great, the vocals are wonderful, i love the style of the song. brendon's vocals blend right into the feel and they just fit. it's got an awesome, myspace-song-y single quality to it. i like the horn section. weird because i usually hate it, and the gospel-choir patrick thing is awesome. andy's getting a lot of great drum parts on this record. i noticed. this song is really clean-cut in comparison to the other songs on the record, there's a lot of silence in the background instead of layers and layers and layers and layers. i like that. pete's rant at the end is, of course, reminiscent of fuct, and i like it. a lot. pete is still old pete to me no matter who he marries, what his hair looks like, or what magazine he ends up on the cover of. it'll probably be the new thnks fr th mmrs in popularity at least. i'll get sick of it, but for now, it's on repeat.

13. west coast smoker [ft. debbie harry]
debbie harry. what. kind of funny actually because i remember reading a fic where patrick has a mild obsession with blondie and i'd love to imagine the recording session, he'd probably be groveling at her presence or something. but, i don't like how they almost covered debbie's voice up with all the guitar and just, sound. this song's pretty intense, though. and i love pete's screaming at the end, of course. he sounds like a hellchild.


thank god there were no serious overtones of the wentz-ashface thing, because that would seriously effect how much i liked this record. not because 'omg, p33t has a gf thats not me!????!?', i just hate disgustingly happy married couples. ugh. ew. it could be anyone. plus, when they have kids, it's like ewwwwww, you're so happy, you spawned. D: it could be anyone, though. my cool uncle had a baby and i was like "NO.NO.NO.NO.NO."
i'd give folie 4/5 high fives. yo.
i really liked it, and i know i'm gonna get to like it a lot more.


HOLY FUCK I AM LAME.
 
 
Current Mood: highhigh
Current Music: headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet [fob]